Never Again
I guess looking back in retrospect, it was my fault. After putting some, distance between myself and an abusive Ex, I felt it was time to start over. I was healed from that horrific relationship and just wanted something new and exciting. Ultimately, I just wanted to find a mate who would appreciate me, be faithful, and just love me.
Walking into the store, I never knew that what I was looking for would be just behind the counter. However, this was the infamous "Arab store." This store was known to have the hotties, and I would often find myself just coming in for a little eye candy. This particular day--I got more than I bargained for. Behind the counter stood Tony, a 6'2, olive skinned, sexy transplant from NY. This guy was new and for some reason..I was immediately drawn to him. He stood back as he watched his father and brother work the registers. He looked as if he was trying to get used to being there. When I approached the counter, my eyes were on him, but he wasn't the one helping me. Call it love a first sight? I don't know, but whatever it was had me going in the store atleast three to four days out of the week.
After flirting for about a month, I decided to go into the store and make my move. I wanted to give him my number, but was scared sh*tless. I mustered strength walked into the store and slid my number to him on the counter. He said, "Is this for me?", I replied yes, he then said "You want me to call you?" I said "ahhhhh..yeah." He smiled said ok and I waved goodbye. Leaving the store made me feel like I was on cloud 9, but I had to wait to see if he would call. The store closed at 11 and my cell phone rung at 10:30. It was Tony, the phone call I had waited for all the day finally came. He didn't have a car or license so when he asked if I wanted to chill after work I said sure. I picked him up and we went to chill and talk. We liked each other and got along great. The only thing was he had a curfew of 2am. I guess if he were underage I'd understand, but he was 24, but I didn't care that just meant I had to get him home by 2.
From there we begin to hang out every night once he would get off of work. The phone calls became more frequent, and then there were text messages. I loved the attention and thought I had found the sweetest guy in the world. When he asked me to be his Girl I cried, because after 4mths that's what I really wanted. We started spending time together more and more;however, with his work schedule being 2-11, he was often asleep till twelve. I would call and wake him up in the mornings to say Hello, run by his house on my Lunch break, and sometimes even drive him to work. We wanted to make it work no matter how limited the time. I can often remember bringing him food because he did not literally get a lunch break. I loved it and he always greeted me with a hug and a kiss as if he was so happy to see me. We were in love and it felt great.
After about a year of dating, his family begin to put a bit of pressure on him. He was constantly told that he could not be with a Black Girl and eventually he was told he could not see me. That didn't stop us we just got creative. The days that I would take him to work, usually consisted of me dropping him off a block away, or parking around the back of the store with hopes no one saw us. Picking him up was a doozy as well. I would park sometimes in the parking lot next door and he would come out running telling me let's go! I had NEVER been in a relationship where my Boyfriends parents or family just didn't like me. I have NEVER had to hide from someone or hide my relationship, it made me feel terrible, but I knew it made him feel worse.
I talked to him about devising a plan to be happy. He was miserable. He wanted to be happy and I wanted to make him Happy. We celebrated valentines, his birthday, our anniversaries, etc. He was wonderful and I wopuld often find myself telling him that he did not have to live a life where he felt mistreated. I tried to help him see that he could stand on his own. The money he was getting paid for working at the store wasn't adequate and he could very easily find another job with better pay, weekends off, and a lunch break.
He threw caution to the wind ignoring his families wishes and continued to date me. The strange thing was his brother who dated a different girl everyday, was not getting the same pressure. Actually he wasn't told anything! Tony was scrutinized because they felt he was serious about me and he was. He spent the night at my house a few times, but it was HELL to pay. His father would cuss him out terribly and make him cry. His mother and his sisters who were in NY at the time, would call all night telling him to go home and eventually sometimes he did.
After three years of dating, he finally told me that he knows we can't be together. He says his family and his religious beliefs prohibit him from dating outside his race. He was forced to end the realtionship--and where do you think that left me? Heartbroken....Valentines day was the worst and I still find myself crying over this relationship. We have been officially broklen up now for about a month, but we've spoken. He's even come over, but the bottom line is the same. We can't be together. Just my luck..I find the closest thing to perfect and its taken from me because of the color of my skin.....I am truly heartbroken over this and hope to eventually heal and get over it. Howver, it would be much easier if he had dogged me out--but he didn't. He was a good guy who unfortunately loved a Black Girl.
So how do I heal?
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