Are any of us sane in this mad world?
One need only turn on the nightly news to see what a mess things are. I
see it first hand nearly every night at work. I can't give specifics
but what I can tell you is that I see mothers, fathers, sisters,
brothers, aunts, and uncles- upstanding members of society breakdown
mentally, weep uncontrollably for a reasons they don't even know, and
become otherwise demented and confused. While I am well aware that
there are infections and diseases such as Alzheimer's that can cause
and exacerbate these afflictions, I also know that science is seeking
not only a cure but also the cause of these dementia diseases. The
thought occurred to me this past evening that perhaps the state of the
world might be an important factor. I also have to wonder if this is
the fate that awaits all of us: that if our minds don't fail us our
bodies will fall apart instead.
Make no mistake, I do love my
patients. If I didn't I'd quit nursing. I wish I could do more to help
them, but in this chaos, that seems to be so omnipresent of late, I
have to wonder if anyone is truly sane.
So, one might wonder
what keeps me from despairing at the seeming futility of it all, and
what keeps me from chucking in the towel, and what keeps me persevering
even in this adversity. Perhaps that should be who rather than what. The answer is Claude.
Maybe
I'm crazy to hang my hopes on a fictional hero or to steer my ship by
the light of an unseen star, but it's better than not doing anything at
all. It's no more risky than hanging my hopes on a "real" guy, one who
could be taken away in an instant, or turn from anchor to albatross or
from ally to enemy in the time it takes to type and refine this entry.
So let me dream and hope and I will do my best to keep going and to fix
my own small isle of chaos in this insane world.
Some might
wonder what I see when I look at Claude, provided he's not invisible.
It's not just his beautiful face, though I will admit I do like to look
it him (or perhaps stare at
would be more accurate). I see a kindred spirit, another outsider. I
see a man who could use someone who won't betray him, if not as a
friend at least as an ally. I see someone whom I
could and would trust. I see someone who won't sugarcoat things and
tell me a load of malarkey to spare me a hard truth. I see someone I would be willing to lay down my life for. It's not that I want
to die, I don't, but if it ever, in some bizarre set of circumstances
were to come down to it being him or me, I'd gladly sacrifice myself to
save Claude.
Some seek sunshine, I look for Rains.
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