Around the Globe Edition: Ripped from the Newz & Spiked with Loose Screws
* BERLIN — American hiker, Jessica Bruinsma took on the Bavarian Alps, and fell 16.4 feet, where she was stranded for three days. The 24-year-old from Colorado, was rescued after using her sports bra as a signal. She attracted the attention of lumberjacks by attaching her sports bra to a cable used to move timber down the mountain.
Sources close to the now horny lumberjacks say, "It wasn't the cable shaking that got our attention. And my timber was sure moving! Everyone knows lumberjacks love flapjacks, and those looked delicious."
Sources close to the sport's bra say, "Finally we can be known for something more than taking two perfectly good breasts and squishing them into one giant uniboob."
* SACRAMENTO — A female driver crashed head-on into a utility pole, causing 15,000 people to lose power. She claims to have been swerving to avoid hitting a stray cat.
Sources close to the imaginary stray cat say, "Take that Mrs. O'Leary's cow! You aren't the only one who can cause chaos and mayhem."
* NEW YORK — New York City street performer known as The Naked Cowboy, filed a $6 million lawsuit against M&Ms candy maker Mars Inc. on grounds of trademark infringement after video billboards depicted a blue M&M dressed in his signature outfit.
Sources close to the guy arrested on the hit TV show cops said, "That's been my signature outfit for 20 years. I just put my wifebeater on because I knew I was fixin' ta be on the TV, and didn't want the whole world to see my hubcap-sized nipples."
Robert Burck has been playing The Naked Cowboy in Times Square for 10 years wearing nothing but a pair of tighty whities, a white cowboy hat and white cowboy boots, while strumming a white guitar.
Sources close to black guitars, sporty colored briefs and various colored shitkickers say, "Clearly this man is a racist cowboy and we should sue him!"*** You can see all blog posts and comment on each post by clicking the link on the bottom right, "View All" thanks for stopping by! ***
Tags:
cat, cow, lumberjack, comedy, nakedcowboy, bra
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