Harsh Reality
So now I know why people advice against one-night-stands. It freaking hurts. I don't even know why it hurts. She said I couldn't count on seeing her again and that she wasn't looking for a project. I was so caught up in the moment that I just agreed. Now I see what I should have done. I should never have done anything.
At the time, we were talking and flirting. Getting real deep in our emotions and thoughts, we clicked. I just fell flat on my stomach, head over heels in love. It was clear to me after it was over that she wasn't proud of what she had done, I was. Well, not in the "yay! I got some!" fashion, but more in the sense that I felt validated; I had finally connected with a girl that just blew my mind. In the past, that wasn't the case. I dated girls that liked me, that found me attractive, I didn't care if I was interested in them. I really was that desperate for love.
This time it was different. This time, both of us had mutual feelings for eachother. Now I see what I mistook for feelings. She was sad, lonely and probably just out of a bad relationship. She needed comfort and I needed comfort. What was wrong with that?
But then, yesterday morning, she sent me a message on Facebook explaining that she didn't usually do one-night-stands and she wasn't proud of what happened. If she had left it at that I wouldn't be writing this in a pit of depression and agony. In stead, she added that she liked seeing me and she hoped I was okay. Of course that rocketed me sky-high and suddenly I saw what I most had desired for so long right infront of me. A girlfriend, a relationship and the chance to really be happy. I sent a message back where I said I didn't do that either, but what happened had happened and we couldn't change that. I also said it did me real good meeting someone like her, not because of the sex, but the talking, the feelings I got from looking in her eyes. Brown, limpid pools of passion. I sent a friend-request and she was in a joint network so I could see her full profile and pictures. What a beauty...I spent four hours at work just looking at her, dreaming away.
I logged on to Facebook as soon as I got to work and found nothing in my inbox. She hadn't returned my message, to top it off she had limited her profile so I couldn't see anything. "Friend-request still pending" it said. That means she was online on Facebook, read my message, gave a big who-cares to my friend-request and then limited her profile so that I couldn't look anymore. The possiblity of something great just flew out the window...now that hurts more than anything I've ever felt in my entire life...
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