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For those who wait...

Monday, June 9th, 2008, 8:51 am

Today I was surprised to say the least when my boss called me and my co-worker to his office. Accompanied by our salesmanager they sat down opposite to us with a grim look at their faces. I knew that sales the last two months practically had been non-existant and expected the worse. But then they came clean, saying that maybe it wasn't the right project for us, maybe we should have had more people on it, they didn't know why it went wrong...only thing that was certain, was that we weren't the ones to blame. This was confirmed when they put our best salesman on the job for a week to see where the beast was shot. Nothing, not one single penny rolled in. The fact that me and my collegue had known for several weeks suddenly became reality for those on top aswell. Suddenly, what seemed as a great failour and a bit embarassing on our part became a great effort. You see, if the best senior salesman couldn't bring in the cash, how the hell could two nineteen year olds do it? The fact that we never gave up now have become something that we're respected for now. And that's a goood feeling!

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Harsh Reality

Wednesday, May 28th, 2008, 5:31 am

So now I know why people advice against one-night-stands. It freaking hurts. I don't even know why it hurts. She said I couldn't count on seeing her again and that she wasn't looking for a project. I was so caught up in the moment that I just agreed. Now I see what I should have done. I should never have done anything.

At the time, we were talking and flirting. Getting real deep in our emotions and thoughts, we clicked. I just fell flat on my stomach, head over heels in love. It was clear to me after it was over that she wasn't proud of what she had done, I was. Well, not in the "yay! I got some!" fashion, but more in the sense that I felt validated; I had finally connected with a girl that just blew my mind. In the past, that wasn't the case. I dated girls that liked me, that found me attractive, I didn't care if I was interested in them. I really was that desperate for love.

This time it was different. This time, both of us had mutual feelings for eachother. Now I see what I mistook for feelings. She was sad, lonely and probably just out of a bad relationship. She needed comfort and I needed comfort. What was wrong with that?

But then, yesterday morning, she sent me a message on Facebook explaining that she didn't usually do one-night-stands and she wasn't proud of what happened. If she had left it at that I wouldn't be writing this in a pit of depression and agony. In stead, she added that she liked seeing me and she hoped I was okay. Of course that rocketed me sky-high and suddenly I saw what I most had desired  for so long right infront of me. A girlfriend, a relationship and the chance to really be happy. I sent a message back where I said I didn't do that either, but what happened had happened and we couldn't change that. I also said it did me real good meeting someone like her, not because of the sex, but the talking, the feelings I got from looking in her eyes. Brown, limpid pools of passion. I sent a friend-request and she was in a joint network so I could see her full profile and pictures. What a beauty...I spent four hours at work just looking at her, dreaming away.

I logged on to Facebook as soon as I got to work and found nothing in my inbox. She hadn't returned my message, to top it off she had limited her profile so I couldn't see anything. "Friend-request still pending" it said. That means she was online on Facebook, read my message, gave a big who-cares to my friend-request and then limited her profile so that I couldn't look anymore. The possiblity of something great just flew out the window...now that hurts more than anything I've ever felt in my entire life...

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bad girl

Tuesday, May 20th, 2008, 7:58 am

I think I've done something stupid..

Have you ever had that feeling, the very second after you've done something, that shock of electricity that shoots down your spine that says " Oh oh...this was really stupid"? Of course you have. We do it every day, but more often than not we don't see it before it comes back to bit us in the ass. So what stupid thing did I do? Well, I talked to my ex today, leaving several hints that I want her back. Why the hell did I do that?! I did owe her an apology for the way I broke it off with her in the first place, so I guess I had a valid reason to talk to her. But the hinting...what the hell was that all about? On some level I do believe I want her back, after all she was pretty fun to hang out with and the sex was good.

I just don't know why the hell I chose this moment though.. I don't really to get back with here, knowing that I really like this other girl. Maybe I'm ruining it for myself again, throwing heaps of balls in the air knowing fully well that I'm not going to able to catch more than one, if that.

I guess I've reached the point where I just have to take a breath and say "what's done is done" and just see where it goes basically. I mean, what else am I suppose to do? Say: "Yeah I know I said I want you back, but no.." that's gonna hurt her even more. At least now she has a chance to blow me off and feel good about it, knowing that she got the revenge she probably have been thinking about. Acctually she already took that by claiming she was pregnant. Bad, bad girl...

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King

Thursday, April 3rd, 2008, 4:57 am

Lately, I've been taking risks. Quite a few acctually. But then again, what is life without a little risk?

I applied for uni last week, bachelor in English language and litterature, really cool stuff. It was so wierd and exciting to sit there, at my office, pretending to work, while deciding my future. I had it all in my own two hands, who I was, who I am and who I'm going to be. It was that moment when you think, "this is it." The deep breath you always have to take before taking a leap of faith. And it really was a leap of faith. I've never understood until now how fond I am of the English language and culture. I've always felt like I was just adequite in every thing I did. I wasn't best at soccer, I wasn't best in math or music. But, English has always been something that I was above average in. I was top notch, and now I've based my whole life on it.

And while we're on the topic of discovering things, I've never seen how truly happy I am. I've got a great job, big circle of friends, I can make music and write poems and long short-stories. I guess some people, like myself, don't give ourselves enough credit for what we are acctually good at. Fine, I don't have a sixpack or at least a flat stomach, I'm not that hansome or "hot", but it's that what really defines me? I'm a true believer of quality over quantity, it's the effort you put in every tiny thing you do that defines who you really are and what you stand for. We base our entire lives on what people that are around us think about us and what they believe to be cool and fun. Only once have I met someone who's completely and utterly insane and who shares my believes. Of course she's smoking hot and two years older than me so it'll never happen, but screw that.

The reason so many people are depressed and lonely is because by some crappy incident, being depressed was cool. It was geniuly accepted as cool and it showed that you've got emotion and it was okay to just sit back and recieve tons of pity. I don't want that, I don't people to take pity on me for not having what ever it takes to get a girl or look good. From now on, I'm gonna give myself credit for the things I do, it's only fair to all of us. We can't all be superheros or superstars with over the top villas and mansions.

I'm gonna work my freaking ass of, and then spend practically all my money on this one freaking great summer vacation. "but, dude what about uni? doesn't that cost money?" - hell yes! but for once in my life I want to experience something that's gonna stick with me and define who I am. In three years I'll be living in Australia for christ sake! This is huge!

I'm the king of the world!

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The wombats

Thursday, March 6th, 2008, 9:24 am

So I'm back again talking about everything to no one, but it's all good! Aslong as I get to vent different things that's going on to other people than my friends it's all good! (when I say people I mean the bits and bytes flowing through the internet)

For the first time in like 2 weeks I've seen the sun today! Big hooray for the sun! Feels like summertime already. Amazing what a few rays of sun can do to you. Don't get me wrong I love rain, rain is good, but the sun makes me go a bit indie. Speaking of indie, new band added to my favourite list, The Wombats! Great stuff and what's come as a big surprise, they even got a norwegian bassist! We haven't had any famous norwegians since A-ha...big big step!

The Wombats made me want to make music again, which is quite the achievement. I mean I've always played music, but listening to their blistening album just lights a fire in me. And one of my mates expressing that he would love to play in a band again did also add fuel to the fire.

So...I've ran out of things to say really...christ this is a crappy blog. I love it!! 

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